I would not have a thing to do with her, nor she with me, but for the fact that we have three children together. It broke both my heart and my self-identity when she told me she preferred a woman to me. It did both again when she took a job 700 miles away and took those three children with her. That was irony for you, since I passed on my chances to look for more lucrative work that would have taken me away from central North Carolina and the children.
I reforged my self-identity over several years, but I held on to a low level rage for a long time. That's not really me, because grudges are just too much work for way too little return. Of the issues that were between us, only the children remain, and the two oldest are adults now. I guess someday there may be grandchildren, but that's another bridge for another time.
For now, I've made my peace with Suzanne. There will likely be conflict between us again, as there often is between divorced couples. That's okay, though, because I have Lisa, who helped me through the last barrier to being whole.