Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy Fourth of July

It's been a busy day at the White manor. First thing, there was reading that simply had to be done, and then it was time to mow the back pasture yard. I have an electric mower that runs not off a battery but a long heavy-duty extension cord, which has to be yanked out of the path I'm mowing repeatedly. And that, of course, makes the mowing take longer than being untethered would.

It's cheaper than gas.

Lisa and I put together a couple of new patio chairs we got from Big Lots. The instructions were detailed and complete, but several of the bolt holes didn't seem so well aligned. Once the "some assembly required" was finished, we did have some very comfortable chairs. Two down, two to go, plus a table.

It doesn't really seem like lot, but it's been a day well spent. We going to watch the High Point fireworks in a little bit, from our upstairs. Should be very good seats.

So, to my fellow Americans, here's to the 235th anniversary of the world's oldest political and social revolution. Long may Old Glory wave!

Friday, July 1, 2011

A Milestone, with Melancholy

My ex-wife Suzanne and I separated on September 7, 1996.  It was a Saturday.  I remember the date and day vividly, because it was the day after our son Andy's sixth birthday, and it was the day after the end of the work week.  A friend was not able to come from Raleigh to help me move into my new apartment because he was cleaning up damage from hurricane Fran, which had passed through the Thursday before.  I ended up getting help from Suzanne's partner Ellen.
 
Almost fifteen years have passed.  My youngest son David turns 18 in 32 days.  That marks the end of my obligation to pay my ex-wife child support.  I sent her the July payment this morning, and I included the pro-rated August amount.
 
Fifteen years.  It's been a long journey through grief at a failed marriage to anger at being alone to white-hot and long-lasting rage at her for taking the children 800 miles away to build her career (and at myself for not formalizing my legal protections) to joy at finding and loving Lisa to forgiving the deep old wounds. 
 
Seven years of monthly checks and seeing the kids twice a week, then eight years of monthly Paypal transactions and seeing the kids two or three times each year.
 
There's no great lesson or revelation here, just the sense of realizing how much has been missed.  And a few other things -- the realizations that I still know and love my children, as they do me; that my home is soon to be my daughter's again, as she moves back to North Carolina at the end of this month; that I am fortunate to have remained in the same workplace since 1998, as the economy cycles up and down; that I have my wife and my parents and my health.
 
It's enough.